My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
