i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
