your parents love me but you hate me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
