don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
