He felt like a one man threesome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
