How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
