i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
