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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
