this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize