You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
