Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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