his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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