Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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