dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
