im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
