Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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