i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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