3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
