I heard we made out
from now on my penis is your penis
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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