I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
