I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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