PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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