its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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