Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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