Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
