batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
