just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
