I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
