Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
