You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
