I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
