So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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