I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
