So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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