Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
