Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
