I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
