i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
