I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
