And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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