I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
