After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
