i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
