is your mom at the bar?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
