She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
