don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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