even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
