What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
