my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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