Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
