i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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