just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just pee around me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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