Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
