wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
