No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
