Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
