If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
