I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
