This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
