wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
