Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
