I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
