I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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