Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
