I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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