A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
