my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
