did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
