Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
