as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
