And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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