I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
