My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
