so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
