This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
