why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
