god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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