I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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