taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
